Sunday, January 4, 2015

old scars...




After a fitful night of bad dreams, I awoke to the pain of old scars and old memories. I got up and dressed for the morning Willie run out in the cold crisp air. Hoping to out run it, which never works, but doesn't lessen the try.

Making my bed the minute I get up is a habit that I long ago stopped trying to break.  Willie waited quietly for me to leave the room before he tunneled back under the duvet. Temping to climb back in, but weekends are all me, so there is no time for lollygagging abed.
  
Scars: physical ones, I have a lot of.  They are mostly from horses, cattle, critters, machinery, tools, and those moments when common sense was left behind.  I never thought about them much till recently when I was at a gathering of women. They were not pampered women, yet none of them had scars everywhere.  Their hands were without scars, as were their arms, legs, and faces. The scars don't bother me, though I have scars on top of scars in some places. They cause no pain... except for one old one that should I forget is there will occasional remind me. Though, I sorta would prefer to be able to say when asked by a grandchild about one of them. "Oh, that was gotten while helping a heifer to calve", or something half way noble.  Instead of "Well I was leading a colt when he suddenly spooked and drug me a ways before I could get him stopped", or "that was from a Banty rooster attack."


This morning's scar pain, radiating fiercely across the top of both shoulders was likely stress induced. It has been three years... gone... some scars are not of the torn flesh kind.  Even Dad noticed and was concerned, damn, because it is not his doing or even anything to do with here.


An extra run with Willie, where I heard a bell cow in the distance, and seeing the start of the wild flower seeds I scattered on the trails last fall, did wonders to mitigate a bad start.
  
  

14 comments:

  1. I hope you are feeling less pain from those old scars right now. And... even though that was a sad and remembering post it was also beautifully written. It felt as if I was in that walk with you and Willie,

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  2. You made it easy to follow your memories knowing all your scars cannot be seen outwardly.

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  3. Yeah, I've got a few,,,,,horses as well.
    Out for a ride w/ex and youngest son. (10 yrs. old) I'm on her Appaloosa,(beautiful yo look at, EVIL black heaert) Son on bomb proof Dazzle, ex riding new horse. Hauling ass up a hill, narrow trail, mine want to pass....holding him back, he buckx
    s me loose, bucks again. Over his head, flat on back. Broke T1,2&3, right ribs off all,left on 1, and collar bone. Who said a horse can't buck going up hill?
    Hurts every day. Plus all the other stuff to.
    If I'd known that I'd live this long, woulda taken better care of myself!BTW, Happy New Year!

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  4. Scars on the inside are more daunting and enduring than scars on the outside.

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  5. Just like post surgery, the internal healing takes way longer than the surface scars. Healing hugs are winging their way to you today, my friend. Go easy on yourself.

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  6. Sometimes that early morning run, jog, walk, cup of coffee and watching the sun come up 'helps'... Just sayin...

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  7. Something about this time of year that puts us in a funk...dreams or no dreams. We re-visit mistakes and bad times and try to see how much of our life is colored by them. I promise to try and do better and avoid those events and people that catch me up, but running, completing a big task, focusing on something else is always good. All my scars are silly or significant if you count the two C-sections.

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  8. Scars are beauty marks for those who have lived life.

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  9. +1 all of the above!!!
    I love listening to wise people process life.

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  10. NELLY: Much better now, and thanks for the kind words.

    GRANNY ANNIE: We do the best we can, and most days that's enough.

    GLEN: Yep, BTDT but not with the same results. I managed to step off, grab his tail and let'm pull me up the hill.

    LL: They for sure are.

    GRANNYMAR: Thanks for the kind thoughts and the hug!

    OLD NFO: It surely does!

    TABOR: It's just a part of life, and we learn by living it, hopefully!

    EURIPIDES: Thanks, never heard that before.

    JENNY: Makes for tough berserkers!

    CHERI: I used to do that, and may go back to it.

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  11. I'm finding out it doesn't get any better either. Getting up off of the floor after playing with the grandson is hell.

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  12. ODIE: It is a shock when that happens. Your mind says your going to bound up and your body says Nope!

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  13. That reminds me I need to scatter some wildflower seeds on the edge of the hillside and drop some more dirt down there to feed it.
    Most of my scars are mental, some I wish were not.

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